I’ve finished with both fish labs, after just a few hours of sleep each day, with much more confidence in my environmental Humber river lab than my community ecology fish community analysis.

Which begs the question, for the nth time, am I really meant for research? My brain fumbles round with analyses in computers, but give me a pen and paper any day and I can draw conclusions.

I find that my brain is slow to start up these days; most of the time the neurons prompt me to ask “so what?” and while I still remain amazed at many things in life as is my usual reaction, I seek the bigger picture and usually I do not find it. Not without some help, which is why I talk to so many people. Then I start asking myself if my ideas are original, or am I just a compilation of ideas from different people?

I find myself talking more and more with TAs, every TA I meet I make an effort to talk to. I think my fascination with their work is an extension of my desire to be like them.

Esther, my anthropology TA, works in Mali – and she ended up with anthropology because one day she found herself with two options: physics or anthropology. Kind of a terrible choice, ay? But she chose anthropology, and after her BA she decided to roll with it, going into graduate studies and then going to Mali for research. It’s amazing. We were talking about how some people have end points and some people just ‘roll with it’. We’re both at the start of our lives, and laughing about it like only carefree students can do.

I want to be like that, to ‘roll with it’. But the realist in me, and the realist in my friends and family would ask so many questions. And don’t I have responsibility? Oh trust me, I’m completely aware of that. Do I owe people? I’m not so sure I would put it that way.

I’m also aware that it’s not a do or die option, its not something that I have to choose now or forfeit.

If you know me, you’d know I’m big on concepts. The holistic picture, the big picture, the big idea, the links, the cycles, the driving forces. Ask me why people get sleepy after they eat and I can tell you why – but in my explanation I will fumble with details and eventually omit them altogether.

Recently, I came up with an idea all by myself, and that was what I wrote about in my Slumdog essay. Which I am very proud of, by the way. But self-generated ideas do not necessarily have evidence, or references, and what am I to do then? I think it’s a completely legitimate idea, but does academia think so? 

Today, for the first time in anthropology class, for whatever combination of reasons, I feel alive.


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s

Twitter Updates

%d bloggers like this: